FAQ Orlando

Do I have to go to Orlando?

Jurassic Park River Adventure line Universal Orlando Islands of Adventure

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times

“I don’t like theme parks, hate tourists and never liked Walt Disney and his stupid G-rated cartoons. Now my kids (grandkids) insist we go to Disney World. How can I get out of it?”

Is this you? Here’s a philosophical response: Travel is an adventure no matter where you go. Life is short. Enjoy the moment.

Here’s a pragmatic response: To kids, a trip to Walt Disney World represents the pinnacle of family vacations. You love these kids. You want them to be happy. Bite your lip. Go.

No one can make an Orlando vacation fun for someone who hates crowds. For you, God invented alcohol. However, Disney does appeal to some non-Disney fans when they focus on subjects they actually care about. If you like psychology, for example, check out how Disney manipulates emotions by playing nostalgic songs, pumping the smell of fake cookies into the air, and playing with the lighting.

Like making things? Magnets drive many rides, and all parks feature some type of cutting-edge technology. Disney loves taking high tech and introducing it to guests, and many employees used Segways to get around as soon as they were approved for public use. Like gardening? Epcot features hydroponics and experimental growing, and the landscaping resort-wide can’t be beat. You may not find enough interesting things to make the trip worthwhile, but you might elevate it a notch above the “get through it unscathed” level.

However, it’s a cold fact: A Disney trip with kids tends to be driven by the kids. To eke out a bit of enjoyment for yourself, you may have to bargain with them. Decide what you want to see and make them an offer. A deal could be, “I’ll ride Dumbo and Peter Pan if you’ll see the Hall of Presidents.”

In addition, Central Florida has other interesting attractions you could seek out – ones that the local coupon books in every 7-11 and Denny’s don’t mention. Visiting a theme park day after day is exhausting for everyone, so pencil in a day doing something you’ll like and then lie to the children. (Example: “How do you know you won’t like a casino if you’ve never been to one?”)

Posted in: Planning an Orlando trip

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